contrast

opposites attract, and he repels, everyone.

there's nothing you could do to make someone love you; but there's a million things you could do to make them hate your guts. there's almost nothing in life to look forward to, but there's a whole lot to regret. there's very little to appreciate, but there's everything one needs to feel disappointed. lovers who leave, friends who let you down, and families who are just not there anymore.

and of course it's only worse when you're the lover who leaves, the friend who lets down and the one who moved away. how do cowards seek closure? how do assholes get along? is there a jerks' support group somewhere? hi my name is fuck you and i'm a douche bag. i'm worthless, subnormal and intolerable.

he thought about all this as he wondered if all of this is a pathetic cry for attention. he spent some time thinking if he cares what people think of him at all, and he realized he does though he likes to say he doesn't. he spent some more time wondering if life is about living up to the images people hold from him, he found the idea disturbing and conveniently dismissed it as soon as his mozarella and tomato pizza was ready.

he decided gogol bordello's right when he says there's no such thing as good old days, and that there's only today and a little bit of tomorrow and they're both very shitty. he also decided that from now on he'll only lower expectations to raise satisfaction, maybe now he'll stop worrying about the result, if any. he gave up on love, companionship and affection, and immediately labeled all subjects of this phenomenon to "mentally deranged" and "hopelessly optimistic". he was about to decide many other things but then he was tired and he ran out of wine, so he gave up and laid down instead, and he was really happy, or truly depressed, and then only realized that they're both really the same.

he then grabbed his book and lived the rest of his fiction. facts were never his forte.